The Box
by actionfactionfictionfan
Summary: Crack fic. Wally, Robin, and Artemis wake up tied together in a box. Insanity, inanity, and idiocy follow. And chaos. Don't forget chaos. And revenge on the poor moron who did this.


**A/N This... I don't know. I swear I don't. It's kind of a crack shot. I didn't proofread this, because it's late and I'm tired and proofreading is a little annoying sometimes, so let me know about grammatical errors.**

 **Warnings: Um... a lot of inanity, insanity, and idiocy ahead. I mean, read the summary, sheesh. What kind of normal could possibly happen here?**

 **Disclaimer: Me no own Young Justice. Me no own Justice League. You leave crazy lady alone now? Good. Bye-bye.**

* * *

Dick Grayson had been kidnapped many times in his career as Batman's sidekick Robin. So when he woke up with his hands tied behind him, his feet strapped together, and a heavy weight leaning against his back, he recognized the situation at once. What he had never counted on before was that he was kidnapped in his civilian clothes. And apparently, without his utility belt.

In a sentence, this wasn't exactly the most whelming situation he'd ever been in.

A soft groan interrupted his thoughts, and the weight against his back shifted slightly. "Dude, this is not good."

"Wally?" Dick asked quickly. "Is that you?"

"Robin?" The ebony couldn't see his speedster friend's face, but he'd recognize his voice anywhere.

"Yeah, it's me. But shush! I'm in civvies. And you don't know who's listening."

The redhead snickered. "Sorry." He wriggled a little against his friend, looking around. "Kidnapped?"

"Yep," he replied, popping the last letter.

"This is why I hate civvies."

"You said it," the ninja agreed, before a second voice cut in.

"You two cretins better keep it down, or I'll knock your heads to their respective sister cities!"

Dick grinned. He could practically hear Wally ogling in the darkness. "Artemis?"

"The one and only, Kid Mouth." Artemis squirmed and pulled at the ropes, allowing Dick to realize that her back was propped against himself and Wally. "Stupid ropes! I'm tied to something else."

Dick snickered before Wally elbowed him sharply. "Quit laughing! We've been kidnapped in civvies, and you're laughing? You've taken one too many hits to the head."

"Wally, we're tied to each other. The situation is a little amusing."

As if to test this theory, Artemis tugged her arms forward sharply, causing Wally to yelp as she yanked against his shoulders.

"You mean I'm tied to Baywatch and the Bat Brat? At the same time?"

"In a box," the so-called Bat Brat added, shoving his foot forward. It extended half a foot before cracking against solid wood. "A very thick wooden box," he added, wincing and flexing his ankle.

Wally squirmed nervously. "How big a box?" came his hesitant voice.

"Try to straighten your legs and find out."

Wally did. His foot moved a little less than twelve inches before his toes met with the wall. "Oh, not big. It's not big. Not big, oh no..."

"What's with him?" Artemis asked as she nudged Wally slightly. The redhead began to shake slightly, but didn't vibrate his molecules.

"He's a bit claustrophobic," Dick sighed. He already regretted having mentioned that they were in a box.

"Is that a thing?"

"For speedsters? Yeah. But Wally has it a lot less than the other Flashes. Still annoying." He started kicking the wall with one foot, even if it didn't do any difference."

"Hey Baywatch! Quick shaking!"

"What? Yeah, oh yeah. Sorry. Sorry." Wally didn't even slow down.

Artemis sighed and leaned back against Dick's shoulder. "You got any Bat tricks?"

"I might have a file in my left shoe, but no way can I reach it without dislocating some shoulders. As it is, it would take me a lot of contortions without being tied to other people."

"Great. Tied up and trapped in a box with a complete bat and Wally West, who if he is having a panic attack, I will snap his neck!"

"Sorry! I can't help it!"

"Vibrate your molecules out of these ropes, will you?"

"About that. Uh, kind of just realized this, like, eh, two seconds ago, because I was freaking out and all, but-"

"Spit it out, Shakespeare!"

"I appear to be wearing a collar."

"Collar," Dick deadpanned.

"Collar. Inhibitor collar. No powers. No speed, no vibrating molecules, zip. Kinda stuck."

"At least you stopped panicking," Artemis remarked, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah. The death threats helped immensely."

"How are we going to get out?"

"I dunno. Rob? Got anything that would help? And I mean, anything."

"Unless you were planning to use my sunglasses to smash through a crate, no. I can't reach the file in my shoe."

"Arty? Got an arrow you can cut the ropes with?"

"In civvies, genius. No costume, no quiver."

"Don't you have a crossbow in your boot?"

"Two things. One. How did you know that?"

"I totally did not watch Rob super glue them to the floor and noticed it happened to be folded up and embedded in the ankle."

"Wait. Super glue my shoes..."

"Way to stand up for a bro, Wall-man."

"When it comes to angry archers, it's every dude for himself. And that includes Roy. And Ollie, really. Killer aim, that guy."

Artemis steered them back to the topic. "I'm not wearing the boots that have the crossbow," she announced.

Wally hummed. "Good to know. Guess we're stuck."

"You don't say."

The redhead hummed again in reply before dropping his head onto Robin's back.A silence fell over the trio that lasted about a half a minute before Wally voiced his mind's scrambles once more.

"Well, this sucks."

Robin had the sincere urge to facepalm. He settled for repeatedly knocking his head against the wall in front of him.

* * *

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... just like the ones I used to know..."

"Hey, Baywatch?"

"Yeah?" Wally replied distractedly.

"It's September. Stop singing Christmas carols."

"Okay."

There was a few seconds' silence before Wally started singing again. "Rocking around the Christmas tree, have a happy holi-"

"Wally!"

"What? It's hot in here."

"Think about cool things," Robin suggested. "What do you do to cool off?"

"Huh uh, Rob. Tried that already. Just makes me hotter."

"Fine. Think about snow. Just don't sing about it."

"Oh. 'Kay."

Robin sighed as the box became quiet again. Suddenly Artemis groaned. Wally's head snapped around to look at her, obviously startled.

"Whasamatter?"

"That stupid tree song! Now it's stuck in my head!"

"Is that all? I thought you were having appendicitis or something."

"Surprised you can pronounce a word that long, Kid Idiot."

Wally stuck out his tongue.

* * *

"Hey."

"What?"

"Got anything to eat?"

"If I did, I'd have eaten it already, Arty."

"Quit calling me that."

"Really?" Robin's voice echoed slightly in the box. "Artemis is the first one to bring up the topic of food?"

"Desperate times, Bat Brat. Desperate times."

"Hey, Arty."

"Yeah?"

"If we're reduced to cannibalism, you're going first."

"How comforting. At least I won't starve when I'm dead."

Wally seemed to consider this. "Fine, I'll go first. Y'know, so you can survive."

"Idiot."

* * *

"My wrists hurt," Robin announced.

"Thought you've been kidnapped before, Rob?"

"I have. But I didn't have two people tied to me who are always moving and chafing my wrists."

"Poor baby," Wally mocked. "You want me to kiss it and make it feel better?"

"Wally? Shut up."

* * *

A few moments later, Wally had a question.

"Are we out yet?"

"No."

"Are we out yet?"

"No!"

"Are we out yet?"

"NO!"

"Gee, Arty. Heard you the first time, you don't need to yell."

Artemis slammed her forehead against the wall, missing Wally's trollish grin.

"Jeez, you two," Robin cut in, bat-glaring at the wall like it would disintegrate. "Get a room. Or at least, don't torture the thirteen-year-old you're tied to."

"Whatever," Wally scoffed.

Robin's eyes lit up behind his shades as a devilish smirk on his face. "I didn't hear a denial that time," he sang. Wally cursed his redhead attributes as his skin began to burn, and Robin grinned as he felt Wally's hands grow strangely warm. Wally was the only person he knew who he could FEEL blushing.

"What the, Baywatch!" Artemis's screams of rage met a volume that would have made Black Canary jealous.

* * *

Wally's ears were still red and still ringing the next time he poked Robin. "What time is it?" he asked, a little more loudly than he intended, due to his temporary deafness.

"Dunno." Robin's tone was slightly closer to normal because while Artemis screamed, he had pressed one ear against his shoulder and had managed to block out most of the noise. "I don't know what time it was when we woke up, so there's no telling."

"How long would you say we've been in here for?"

"You want me to guess?"

Wally nodded even if Robin couldn't see it. "Speedsters have a poor sense of time. Runs in the blood."

"None of the Flashes are related."

"Irrelevant topic."

"Okay. Um, about five hours."

'That long?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I'm bored."

"Incredible," Artemis deadpanned.

"We could play a game."

"Like?"

"Twenty questions?"

"Learned it. Played it. Hated it. Never playing again," Artemis replied with a scowl. There was probably a story behind that.

"Telephone."

"Not enough people," Robin answered.

"You're making this harder than it needs to be. Tag?"

"Sure thing." Rob elbowed Wally in the side. "You're it," the Boy Wonder announced sarcastically.

Wally sighed. "Assassin?"

"Not enough people. And Artemis might take it literally and try to kill you. Pass."

"Jelly Beans."

"Wally, we made that game up. And we'd need a deck of cards."

"Energy Drink?" Artemis suggested.

"Okay, you made that up."

"Did not. It's the one where to you give Kid Flash an energy drink and watch him explode."

"Hey!" Then Wally snapped his fingers. "I got it! We can play Bumblebee!"

"Nice. Make up that game, too?"

Wally ignored the question. "Someone pinches me, and then I have to pinch someone. Then I guess who pinched me, and then I guess who I pinched."

"That's dumb."

Instantly, Wally felt someone pinch his arm. Robin, he thought with a grin, then reached out to pinch his best friend back. Instantly he was met with a shrill shriek, and Artemis turned on him with savage eyes.

"Wallace West! Of all the nerve! Sure, you just had to pinch me right there!"

Wally blinked like a deer in the headlights. "What'd I do?"

"What' you do? You pinched my butt, you despicable wretch!"

Wally's face grew deathly white as her words sunk in. "I... pinched you..." he whispered. Then his eyes rolled back and he pitched forward, only to be suspended partway because of the ropes holding his wrists.

Robin snickered. "Oh, the beauty of blackmail," he sighed contentedly.

Artemis turned on him. "Tell anyone and I swear you'll be breathing through a pump when I'm done with you."

* * *

Meanwhile, in Mount Justice, five teens and eight adults gathered around a screen onto which a camera was distributing live feed. Kaldur'ahm frowned and leaned closer to the screen.

"I believe Kid Flash has fainted."

Hal Jordan greeted this news with a peal of laughter. "I knew it, I knew it! I knew they shouldn't have played Bumblebee!"

"You're not kidding!" Barry Allen gasped. He had long ago thrown away his cowl in an effort to breathe through his laughter.

Aquaman frowned at the screen. "I was under the impression that fainting is bad."

"He'll wake up in few minutes," Miss Martian assured with a smile. "He'll be fine, really."

Superman stared at the screen confusedly. "I'm still not sure why we put Robin in there if the goal was to get Kid Flash and Artemis to stop fighting."

"He's a peacemaker, sort of a buffer zone between them," Zatanna replied.

"He will also keep them from killing one another," Martian Manhunter agreed, as he smiled slightly.

"Because Wally likes my sidekick and I'm supposed to be okay with it?" Green Arrow scowled. "If it were up to be, I'd have left Robin out and let Artemis shoot an arrow through his knee."

"I do not allow one of my kids to kill the other," Black Canary snarled at the archer. "And like it or not, they need to learn to get along."

At this statement, Red Arrow let out a snort. "I can't be the only one finding it funny that Canary just called them her kids."

In reply, the bombshell blonde spun and pointed one finger at the ex-sidekick's throat. "I will hurt you."

"Point taken."

Superboy glared at the video feed before calling to Red Arrow, "She kinda is our mother. Don't knock it."

Batman cleared his throat. The room fell silent except for the crackling static that came over the video feed periodically. Batman tapped his wrist as if indicating the time, making Flash, Green Lantern, and Red Arrow frown.

"Already?" Flash whined. "We just put them in!"

"Six hours ago."

"It's funny!"

Batman glared.

"Fine! Going." Flash walked away to let the three teens out of the box. As he lay one hand on the lock, he grinned and whispered, "Bumblebee," with a soft laugh before opening the door. He heard the teens groan at the sudden invasion of sunlight before Artemis let out a scream.

"I spent six hours tied up with Wally and Robin in the middle of the mountain?!"

"Justice League, my butt!" Wally cried.

Artemis suddenly grinned devilishly as she threw her arms over Dick's and Wally's shoulders-when had they gotten untied?- and said in a very serious, sinister, Batman-y voice, "Boys, I believe we have a common goal in mind."

"I believe you are correct, Artemis," Robin agreed, grinning and cackling like a madman. Or Joker.

"Of course, Artemis," Wally purred. "Shall we pursue it together?"

"Indeed we shall," came the reply, before Robin let out a shout.

"Get 'em!"

* * *

 **A/N So, yeah. Definitely a crack fic. I sincerely hope it was funny, because, let's face it. Either it's funny, or I was laughing my head off for no reason, which would make me insane.**

 **REVIEW, or they're coming after you next!**


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